When I look back on my life, there are a lot of situations and relationships with people that I’m disappointed with. There are events that I am not happy with. There is shame there, and anger, and humiliation. There are negative outcomes and negative consequences. Sometimes I’m the antagonist in the story. Sometimes I’m the willing participant. Sometimes things have been thrust upon me that were unfair and left me beaten and scarred. Other times I was a bully.
All of these memories are a part of human existence. No one that lives to having conscious memories escapes the milestone transitions from innocence to experience, from trust to betrayal. One of the reasons we are born into our existence is to face the struggle of encountering pain and strife and overcoming each episode as they come. Some episodes are brief and have brief recovery. Others are deeper and more complex and the effect of those episodes can linger forever if allowed to.
There are things from my past that are still out to get me. They haunt me whenever I allow them to. I say allow because the things I bring out of memory into imagination don’t actually exist in reality, at least not anymore. My mind remembers these negative things because they are remarkable. They don’t go away because there isn’t a solution provided for the problem. Things in the past become farther away from resolution as time goes on. Sooner or later the chance for amends or repair that leads to recovery is lost. Now it’s just a poor-quality ghost, haunting the cave that is my mind.
When I recall a ghost from my past, and that ghost is attached to emotions that are negative, I give that ghost power over me. The more often I recall, and the time I spend on each ghosting memory taxes my mind and puts it into a negative state. Each ghost has a connection to my present as if it were happening right now. Even if the emotional reaction is for a brief instant, there is still a cumulative effect on my mind-space that lingers in its effect. My mind has learned that there is no solution to each memory, and therefore it doesn’t even try to go for a solution anymore. It simply brings about a painful memory, allows it to haunt me with an emotional trigger attached, and then the ghost fades away but the emotions remain.
The human mind is a seeker of experience. Just as we have negative experiences, we also have positive ones. These perform the same function when recalled, but the spirits generated from a rewarding event in our past cause a different set of emotions. Rewarding recollections are affirmations of things we have participated in to get to that point of joy, happiness and gratitude. There is no need for a solution, since feeling those positive emotions is a driving feature for almost all people. The purpose of existence and experience is to find a point of reward that indicates positive purpose.
Therapy is a common method of dealing with those negative ghosts that keep rattling their chains in our cave. Therapy is a professional undertaking, but it also exists in our relationships with the people we commonly interact with. It can also exist in our interaction with things, such as a connection with the natural world in all its forms. But when optimal, a therapeutic relationship can reveal and resolve the negative ghosts that are waiting in the darker spaces of the mind.
You see, unless we have a time machine, a solution to these past problematic experiences can’t be reached per se. But what can happen is the emotions and feelings that are attached to these memories can be changed from negative to neutral. How this happens is first by bringing the ghosts into the light. When we reveal our tormenting demons to others we begin to turn down their volume and emotional power. When we accept accountability and responsibility for all the experiences that have occurred in our life, we no longer have to wait around for someone else to do it for us. And when we can see our experiences as episodes of teaching and learning, we can change the emotional context and bring the power of those episodes to others moving forward.
It has been stated in parable and prophecy throughout time that our lives are like a garden. In order for a garden to flourish, the first thing that must be done is to condition the soil. This involves pulling the lower layers of soil to the surface. The rocks and weeds and debris must be pulled out and moved somewhere else. Healthy applications of nourishment should be applied. Not until all of these things have been done should the garden be planted. Only fertile soil allow for abundant yields in the future. The mind operates the same as this. When we acknowledge the mental state, turn up and reveal the hidden obstacles and poisons and remove them, condition what remains with positive and nourishing beliefs, and then plant the seeds of what will ultimately become abundance in our lives we are doing the same thing. It works better if we have a partner to help take on the work. Seeking help and then utilizing it allows us to work through and identify what’s valuable and what’s detrimental. A positive influence can help us to plant good seeds into healthy soil to grow and abundant future.
The spiritual nature of a therapeutic relationship is reflective of this. It’s another trusted resource that is involved with our recovery process makes the work not only easier but also possible. Let’s face it, if you could do it yourself you would have done it already. If we work openly with them, the positive spirits in our lives drive the negative spirits away. As we grow the positivity in our own lives, we also grow the positivity in theirs. As we allow ourselves to seek out and engage with positive influence, we can grow and pass that influence on to others.
We choose which ghosts to feed in our lives. If we continue to feed the negative ghosts in our lives with our emotional capture and torture, they continue to have power. If we instead feed the blessed spirit that is our soul with light and nourishment, our soul will grow and have power and resilience.
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