Making the Cycle
There are two predominate cycles in nature. The first is the parasitic cycle, the second is the symbiotic cycle. In the parasitic cycle, a parasite attaches to a host in some manner and drains its energy or resources to varying degrees. This could be a physical action, a mental connection or a spiritual association. In each case, the parasite will take whatever it requires, and give nothing of benefit in return. This cycle can go on for a short period of time or in longevity. The cycle ultimately ends with the parasite draining the host of its resources and then moving on, or the parasite is discovered and removed.
Parasites are by necessity sneaky and stealthy. In order to prevent discovery, a parasite must get what it wants without the host knowing it is even there. A parasite wants to take for its own benefit regardless of the consequences on its victim. A parasite survives by taking until the host is dead, if necessary. Alcoholism is a parasite.
Think for a moment about what alcohol offers an individual, or society at large, and what it gives in return. Any benefits I can think of are self-serving to begin with and not necessary in the least. What is produced from alcohol consumption are empty pocketbooks, empty minds, and empty lives. If given control, alcohol will take over the soul of a person, or even the collective morality of a society.
The purveyors of the drink profit richly and bear none of the burden of its consequences. An addictive and harmful substance is peddled on the populace with no regard or responsibility for the consequences of its effects. Lives are destroyed physically, mentally and spiritually while the substance is treated as the greatest freedom of mankind. Alcohol and alcoholism are among the most cunning and mightiest purveyors of take the world has ever seen. The self-serving necessity of alcohol is hidden so well that its origins can’t be traced back to a known point in human history.
Parasitic cycles take place because the host is positioned to allow it. A mosquito bites a person because the skin is exposed. A virus infects because the immune system is compromised. A couple is defrauded of their life savings because they were desperate to believe in a believable scam. Drinking becomes alcoholism because it numbs existing emotional trauma and disregards the catastrophic consequences.
My past dictates the setting of my present, and how I act in that setting creates the circumstances of my future. With alcoholism, my past affects me negatively, so I drink to relieve those emotions and feelings in the present and set myself to relieve them again and again, with no development for the future except consuming more alcohol. This is by nature feeding parasitic alcohol to an alcoholic host, a host that drinks its awareness away with cyclical regularity.
In the last chapter, we talked about breaking the cycles that are the root cause for alcoholism to take root. That is a vitally important first step in recovery. What must follow that, a method to create as much of a barrier between self and alcohol, is creating beneficial cycles moving forward. This is where the symbiotic cycles come in.
From its greatest standpoint, symbiosis is a primary need for life to exist on this planet. The seasons are a primary example. In spring, life springs forth, seeds grow, and animals reproduce. In the summer, the health of life creates the diversity of life systems that feed and benefit each other. In the fall, life prepares to survive the winter and prepares its seeds for the next spring cycle. And in the winter, the viability of life is tested as the earth cycles the nutrients from the fallen into soil for the soon to be born. Each season takes from the previous season and gives to the following season in a symbiotic cycle. The cycle takes a year, and cycles for a great year, and cycles for 10,000 great years. The cycle is what allows the earth to continue to thrive and survive.
The healthy and sustaining cycles in a person’s life reflect this. A symbiotic cycle involves giving and taking, then giving again, and so on. It’s not always an equal trade, but as the cycle continues an equilibrium is maintained.
From a recovery perspective, some lasting cycles are very important at the outset. The first is in finding an outlet to share experiences, concerns and fears with. Developing relationships with support groups and a sponsor or mentor has incredible benefits. In these relationships, the alcoholic seeking recovery takes comfort and guidance from those more experienced, and lends their own unique perspective while allowing others to help guide them. One side gains a foothold in defining themselves and setting a foundation for recovery, and the other side gains solidity in their own recovery from sharing what they have learned. If recovery is successful, ultimately each person that enters it will become more of a helper as they progress, and the cycle will continue.
Relationships that develop once alcoholism has stopped should also be mutually beneficial. One should take caution in establishing new relationships or re-establishing old ones while in the beginning stages of sobriety. A good rule of thumb is that new relationships outside of support for alcoholism should be avoided for a full year of sobriety, particularly romantic relationships. It is very hard to maintain a balanced relationship with another person or group of people when one’s own life is imbalanced and in the process of rebuilding. Relationships can seriously tax the energy needed to be put toward developing the life practices that will keep alcohol from returning. The complications that can develop from relationships are often trigger mechanisms to relive past traumas, or as excuse mechanisms for drinking. And as recovery grows stronger, relationships that develop should be guarded and grown with patience and honesty. I feel that the greatest relationships are based on understanding their limitations and measuring those limitations with the give and take of the relationship. It’s a good idea to develop relationships slowly so the limitations of self and others can be determined. The amount that can be given to a relationship must be balanced with what can be taken, even if an imbalance is offered freely. Without an enduring cycle, a relationship will develop complications and ultimately fail. This is a prime scenario for alcoholism to return.
Our internal and external attitudes are also cyclical. The treatment of self and the treatment of others are intertwined. It is nearly impossible to treat others with kindness, compassion and understanding if I’m not treating myself equally. The flip side is just the same. How can I expect others to treat me with respect and honesty if I can’t be respectful and honest with myself? This applies to almost every human trait. The symbiosis of my character is reflected in how I expect to be seen. How I am seen is reflected in my actions towards others. If internally I speak to myself poorly and negatively, inevitably I will speak about myself to others in that manner and speak to others about their selves in that manner. The color, hue and brightness of the light I shine on others is powered from within and from without. It’s important that I avoid and eliminate people and relationships that degrade my character as that negativity is taking from me to please others. I’m seeking a rewarding life by creating situations inside and outside of myself that will produce reward while allowing me to offer reward in return.
I’m going to go lightly on the spiritual relationships each of us binds ourselves to. There is such a diversity in what to believe, how to believe and why to believe that definitions of it all would be entirely of a personal nature. What I will say is this. Just as everything else in my life with recovery, I determine a balance between how much I am giving toward a power higher than myself, versus how much I expect from that power. Are the deeds I offer in respect of my higher power to the benefit of myself exclusively or to the world around me? Are there expectations placed on the actions I take?
What I’m getting at here is that I try to stay as far away from making demands based on some kind of good deeds point system. That’s approaching a parasitic relationship with my higher power. Instead, I try to be content with putting my deeds out there and letting the reward for those deeds be determined as they will, without expectation. Right now, one of my lifelong best deeds is not to go back to the bottle and shame myself. My reward so far has been a much better life.
The final symbiotic cycle I’d like to present is the teach and learn cycle. It is vitally important to teach something new to someone each day, and to learn something new every day. Teaching something means having beneficial value to offer others. Learning means being open and receptive and find new information that might become part of my character. Part of that is having the flexibility of belief to be able to challenge what we think is truth against what others think is truth. This line of thinking, that others might know more or better about a topic, fits right in line with recovery. There is a lot to learn in recovery, and an open mind and flexibility in our established beliefs will allow each of us to obtain permanent sobriety and ease ourselves from the dis-ease. Everything we encounter with our five senses should be met with open mind and skepticism if necessary, and not disregarded outright. I’m sure that I’d like that same attitude shown toward my own ideas. Hence, sometimes I learn, sometimes I teach
Parasitic cycles in our lives are cycles of diminishing returns, and while self-serving for a time, they ultimately become impossible to maintain and even fatal. Symbiotic cycles are self-sustaining and promote growth rather than decrease and decay. By focusing on what can be given as equally important as what can be taken, the cycles we make will benefit us perpetually.