Mechanisms
My experience as an alcoholic occurred over a very long period of time. It started in high school, legally purchasing and drinking 3.2% beverages under a grandfathered law. Back then my drinking wasn’t so prominent, drinking a few while cruising around on a weekend night.
From there the alcohol consumption graduated into college. That’s where the trouble began. Despite my inability to maintain healthy study habits, I joined a fraternity. Not just a fraternity, it was the fraternity resembling the famous Delta House. In fact, we were named the Delta House. What a coincidence.
I quickly found that being drunk and/or stoned on a regular basis was a lot more satisfying than being sober. Alcohol was always readily available, as was pot for the most part. I had the constitution to take them both on, as well as some occasional dabbling in other nefarious substances from time to time.
Of course, I failed out of school several times, never had very good grades when I was in school, and partied whenever a party was available. I was always surrounded by someone that wanted to do the same. When I finally did graduate, by the skin of my teeth, I had a degree in English and a masters in Imbibization.
One of the mechanisms I had on my side as an addict was being functional. I could drink every night and get to work every day, get my household duties accomplished and fool just about everyone that I was as pious as a prostitute in church. This went on for decades, and as it went on, the amount and frequency of my drinking increased. If the graph of my consumption was a graph of an investment portfolio, I’d be a rich man.
As it were, alcoholism can catch up with anyone that consistently uses it. For myself, it was an end of functionality, and dire health consequences. For others it could be social abandonment, serious legal consequences, or career ending circumstance for example. Eventually, something causes the switch to flip, and a person finds that they want a life without alcohol more than they want another drink.
For me, a major issue was where I wanted to go with sobriety. I had “quit” many times before. Sometimes for months, sometimes weeks, and sometimes only a few days. Each time I was convinced that I had control over the very thing that had control over me. It would start off slow, maybe a beer or two, and then progress. I would convince myself that vodka was a lot cheaper than beer and buy a half pint. Then a pint. Before I knew it, I would be back to buying cheap handles and downing at least a fifth a day. Each time I attempted to stop would be a nightmare of pain and discomfort. Each time would take a serious toll on my health, as a body used to the intake would have an incredible challenge to cope without it. Just putting the bottle away for a period of time wasn’t going to cut it. I had to make a concerted effort to quit not just by stopping, but to find a way to quit forever.
On my journey through recovery, I have discovered that a variety of lifestyle changes need to be constantly adjusted. Then a mental attitude that is flexible and always aiming at positive progression needs to be channeled. Finally, a spiritual connection to an entity greater than myself needed to be established and nurtured.
In order to accomplish this, I needed mechanisms. There had to be a mechanisms for coping with my current and future situation. I needed mechanisms for building a new character that was free of alcohol and genuinely Terry. I wanted mechanisms to give me fulfillment from my thinking, actions and connections. I sought a connection for my reliance on and communion with a greater spirit. I had to use self-actualization as a mechanism to identify who I was and who I wanted to be.
All of these mechanisms and many more are what I need to combine and integrate to meet the daunting task of permanent sobriety. Each mechanism is a working element. None of them are ever complete. Even after a year and a half of sobriety I know that I am still, and will continue to be, a work in progress. If I want to be sober forever, then I have to work on myself forever.
Physically, it’s all environmental. A constant attention needs to be put to what we are exposing the body and its five senses to. It involves exercising the flesh so the mind and spirit can effectively do their job. Its an awareness that what we stuff into the holes in our head actually have a direct effect on how we function as a human being. The mechanism here is that the machine functions at potential when it is maintained and worked with care and within its capacity.
From a mental viewpoint, it involves willingness to learn. The human mind can be calcified, meaning it is hard, and resistant to change. It can also be plastic, or pliable and available to abandon beliefs that are no longer beneficial, and then create new ones to fill the void. The mechanism is to find as many ways as possible for change that make us better, and abandon what keeps us static or tears us down. In order to do this, a complete and sometimes brutal self-analysis needs to be integrated as a primary mechanism in development.
Spiritually, I take caution in my approach here. From the most devout religious to an atheist, the definition of how one relates to God is deeply personal. One’s approach to spirituality is a stack of beliefs and belief systems a mile high. What I will say is this: no matter what anyone has learned, been told, convinced of or judged for, each human on this planet has the absolute ability to define what their relationship with their spiritual nature is, regardless of what anyone else says, sells or demands. In my opinion, each and every person is the most beloved child of God. I don’t mean we all are combined. I, alone, am the most beloved child of God. And you, alone, are the most beloved child of God. The relationship is one on one and personal. What we choose to do with that honor, and how we apply it to the world around us is what makes it work. When one is willing to allow God to work through them, then God will work for them. The relationship is symbiotic. The mechanism is spiritual freedom and development.
The grand prize for a lifetime of sobriety is delivered posthumously. Its champions receive it with grace, love and pride. They are the people we’ve blessed with how we live. They are the ones that we loved. If we lived a life that placed forth a character that was valued by the world around us, we were worth loving because we also loved ourselves. The mechanisms we put into place to develop ourselves help us to get there. Despite any setbacks, the mechanisms still exist. If we devote ourselves to ourselves, we can get there too.