Communion
Being alone is not a normal human condition. Humans, by nature, seek interaction. The most fulfilling interaction is with other human beings, in particular those with a connection to us in some form or another.
Alcoholism is a lonely disease. Regardless of the number of drinking buddies, bar mates or events to attend and get the party going, the alcoholic is living a life without substance. The only real commonality an alcoholic shares with his partying comrades is drinking and the outcomes of it. An alcoholic like I was is more than satisfied being alone with a bottle of vodka, then a few hours of sleep, and back to my eighty-proof bestie for another day of self-induced mental sterilization.
The longer an alcoholic revels in drunkenness, the more lonely they will become. Friends new and old will abandon them out of concern for their own well-being and safety. Marriages will collapse and dissolve, and children will be removed from them. Jobs will become increasingly abrasive, and coworkers and bosses will ultimately give up. Ultimately, society itself will abandon the alcoholic, either to prison or a life on the streets.
Alcohol itself will become the only friend. It is always reaffirming itself as the answer to loneliness. Just drink some more and you’ll forget all of that the bottle loves to proclaim. A moment without it becomes a nightmare of clarity. All of the go to people, once there in a pinch, are bridges burned to ashes. The connections have been severed by the very person that needed them the most.
Once the alcoholic reaches bottom, or has a desire and determination to quit, the loneliness of abandonment will never be more prevalent. Even if there are connections that still exist, unless those people are experienced as alcoholics, they will only be a superficial support system, like a fan in the stands cheering wildly but never really connected to the actual game play.
An important way to break the bond of alcoholism is to find people that understand the nature of the disease. No two alcoholics became alcoholics the same way, had the same experiences as alcoholics, or climbed out of the depths in the same way. Yet each alcoholic in recovery has the understanding of the pain, the cravings, the missteps and lapses, the changes in character, the patience and the dedication necessary to leave the destructive life behind and mend oneself into a productive human being.
It is essential that an alcoholic with the desire to stop drinking comes into communion with people that have lived the life of alcoholism. This generally happens in group settings, and then moves to more trusted confidence in a mentor or sponsor.
Initially, a connection with a group is a wonderful step in the right direction. Meetings of like-minded people will give hope and a vision that change can come, and that the alcoholic is not alone in that battle. It is a chance to share experiences and learn from the experiences others will share in return.
But loneliness is not just the absence of human interaction. There is a void in the alcoholic’s soul that’s been continually filled with booze for some time. That hole is what is left from failed relationships past. As alcoholism progresses and in time the booze and the consequences increased, the alcoholic becomes emptier of substance, connection with a higher power, and him or herself. One of those consequences is no real interaction with other people. And while the newfound connections with people in recovery is a definite plus, there is another crucial factor: cleaning house.
The tethers that bind us from negative past experiences, present fear and dread of the future, are only amplified by alcohol. At the same time, drinking numbs the senses and makes us “forget”. These feelings are never really addressed, and never really forgotten. These feelings are temporarily shelved, over and over again, as the drink becomes the band-aid on the open wound. If the alcoholic ever reaches the breaking point, and seeks sobriety, these feelings that have been closeted for so long are still there.
At these times, an outlet is needed from people that can be trusted, as is a connection with a higher power. It is of utmost importance that we understand that we are not the most important thing in our lives. There is a power far greater and magnificent, willing to lend itself to our suffering and bring peace through gradual healing. This works in combination with communing with like minded people that understand this concept, in groups settings, and more importantly with a trusted mentor or sponsor.
Communing via this dual support system: our higher power and those around us seeking the same solutions of sobriety without fear, anger, sadness and loneliness is a key to achieving perpetual sobriety and ultimately abandoning the bottle forever. There are many out there looking to help, and a higher power to give hope and spirit along the way. Commune with each; it’s a way back to living.