When I first started thinking about this piece, I wasn’t really sure where I wanted to go with it. Did I want to define prayer? Did I want to offer what to pray or how to pray? Then I thought, why do we pray to begin with?
It’s hard to explain any of those things because people are different. Everyone on this planet is a completely unique individual from everyone else. Of course, we have similar traits in appearance and personality, but every atom in every cell in every body in every community is different than every other. When you go beyond the physical and consider the diversity of the mental aspects of humans, now your have another set of incredibly unique qualities. Then there is the spiritual.
Belonging to the same religious group as other people doesn’t make your belief systems equal. There are similar fundamentally accepted beliefs, faiths and principles that the members of each group may support, but each person’s beliefs are influenced by many other things in their life, from past to present to vision of the future. Even if I took twins from birth, exposed them to the exact same religious principals, church settings, bible studies and social media, they would still have unique belief systems.
This is leading to a conversation about prayer so bear with me.
The uniqueness of every person’s belief system by extension says that every person’s belief in what God is (or spirituality is) is unique. Not only is my relationship with God different than anyone else’s, but my idea of God is also different than everyone else’s as well. Since I have a unique belief and relationship with God, then I can imagine what the highest values of my God are and how I can benefit from those values.
This leads to why I pray. I pray to tap into the spiritual power that is God so that I can invoke change in the world. I think that is a pretty good definition of what most people think about prayer, give or take some of my wordiness. In my upbringing, most of that time was spent trying to get God to fix what my ‘needs’ are in my life. Sometimes I would pray because I was directed to, in a church setting or by an authority figure. A common occurrence in all of those prayer scenarios was that I was praying for God to change things while I waited for change to come. Looking back, I can see that I had prayed out of necessity without having any realistic role in the outcome. I just expected better things to happen because I asked God nicely.
If I’m praying with all my heart and nothing is happening, then one of two things must be wrong: either I’m not doing it right, or God doesn’t exist. Having an atheistic or agnostic perspective, in my opinion, is the easy way out. It’s difficult for me to accept that 300,000 years of human belief have gotten it wrong and there is no God. Instead, I’ll go with the choice that my approach to prayer is wrong. What then is so wrong about asking God nicely for change and then expecting change to be given? What about pleading to God in desperation when my life is really on the rocks? Shouldn’t God just help me? I’ve been a good boy (from my perspective), so I deserve it.
This begs the question – what am I doing about it? If I’m engaged in prayer with God, then two and only two entities are involved in that prayer. If I’m constantly asking for change as a divine gift, then what have I done to deserve that gift? What is my responsibility in all of these complaints and expectations?
If this is the first of my writings that you’ve come across, then let me emphasize that change for anybody comes with having a realistic expectation and idea of change, then acting towards it. Prayer in my life is speaking to God with my needs and intentions, then tapping into that divine power to aid me in my own actions toward that change. If I make the effort, analyze my progress, then re-invoke my need and actions in further prayer, change will come.
Anyone reading this could ask, “why don’t you just make a plan and then do the rest myself?” I don’t know about you, but self-motivation toward change is a serious challenge for me. I can get the idea in my head and even go as far as to formulate a plan to make something happen. But I often lack self confidence and drive to see things through. I need a partner in that planning and execution.
One of the things I’ve noticed about prayer is that I speak to God and to myself in the clearest, kindest and most respectful manner possible. I speak as I would to my greatest ancestor, a revered friend, or a person of great notoriety and purpose. I speak in a manner that is deserving of blessings. I speak without outside interruption and with my greatest concentration. I am opening my mind to a presence of greatness, a power so incredible that I cannot fully conceive of it. Then I am speaking to that power on my behalf and on behalf of others.
If I’m in a state of mind that is focused and open, then I have the greatest opportunity to put efforts toward my life that will be agreeable and unresisted. I will begin understanding who I am, what I am capable of and what I want to do with it. The openness I’m experiencing will allow my normally shut tight belief systems to open to change. That change can come in little bits or a new pathway for reaching a better me. I’m open to the chance that I could be a higher version of myself and to do that I need a higher power to pull me forward.
Prayer is personal. Personal means that it belongs only to me and I have exclusive control of it. I can pray for who or what I want and it’s nobody’s business but mine and God’s. What I choose to pray for can also determine how effective my prayer will be. The outcomes I form in my imagination based on what I pray for can vary greatly in their possibility. That said, the distance I create between myself and the expected outcome of my prayer determines the likelihood of my prayer having the desired outcome.
If I pray for something halfway across the world, in a place I’ve never been to, involving people I never met (and likely never will), the chances of the outcome being as I expected are very low. That’s because my part in it is disconnected. I’m putting all of the responsibility for both the action and the outcome on the spirit, while taking zero action towards the outcome for myself. This is how people pray and wait for a miracle. It is possible that a miracle will come about, but is it because of my prayer, or is it coincidental?
In addition, if I’m praying for an outcome, and a whole bunch of other people are praying for a different outcome, then just who is God supposed to listen to? Is my prayer the most special? Are my prayers based on facts known to me or are they based on hearsay and speculation? What actual stake do I have in any of it?
Coming back to center, the greatest stake and influence I’m ever going to have is within myself. The greatest amount of change I can make in the world at large is in my world. All the changes I would like to see invoked are dependent on a starting point, which is me. This is why the number one thing I need to improve and grow is my self – physically, mentally and spiritually. The greater these three things become, the greater positive influence my world can have on the worlds around me.
This is not to say that a person shouldn’t engage in prayer for people and situations that they don’t have contact with or influence over. That portion of prayer goes a long way towards alleviating personal anxiousness about something external and out of reach. It gives peace of mind. It shows sympathy and empathy towards the needs of others, even if it’s strangers in a strange land or situations outside of one’s control. It allows a spiritual connection internally with faith and hope that change will happen for the better. But as a direct influence, the chances of change coming from prayer for far away situations are greatly reduced.
Prayer in its greatest form is one more extension of the recovery process. In one sense, it’s meditative. Using full concentration we speak to the highest form of ourselves with an effort to invoke change. In another sense, it’s developmental. We speak clearly the wants and desires we have for our lives and the lives of others, as well as seek guidance for the development of ourselves in the best possible way to meet those requests. And in yet another sense we can find solace and surrender by allowing the parts of our lives that are outside of our control to be overseen and guided by a higher power. And finally, prayer gives us a chance to focus our intentions toward the things that are most important in our lives without the chatter and clutter of the chaotic world outside.